Seth Troxler hasn't lived in the U.S. for basically the last decade. And he'll be just shy of the minimum age required by the time the next election rolls around. But I propose we convince him to come back, and Techno Back America (ya like what I did there?). I present my case.
1. He's kind of a nice guy.
If you've read Resident Advisor's 2012 feature where Will Lynch spent five days with Troxler and crew in Miami, it's hard not to come off it thinking he's anything short of what the DJ world – nay – the entire world needs. Lynch could be romanticizing, but a few things stick out:
He can handle the stress of constant requests for pictures and handshakes. Lynch notes that Troxler bears borderline harassment with grace when throughout the week people take involuntary photos, jump and scream for his attention, and speak as if they've been friends for years. However, we would still need to see if Troxler could pass the baby-kissing test.
He's inclusive. Ohmygosh. I'll tell you, when I read the part about Troxler giving the shyest little nugget the golden ticket, I just about wanted to knight Saint Troxler. Then he declined playing at P. Diddy's because everyone at another party wasn't invited. Troxler: America's BFF.
In a 2015 Thump article, Troxler recounted an episode where he learned that speaking your mind and being cruel were two different things, after his mother sent him to get his lickings from a friend who he had made fun of for stuttering. Let's also not forget he spent time at ADE cooking for the homeless. Or that one of his labels, Tuskagee, is specifically focused on bringing to light artists from minority backgrounds.
Phew, with this candidate we can avoid the pussy-grabbing conversation. Wang-dangling, maybe, but no pussy-grabbing.
2. He tries new things.
Be it gender-bending fashion or psychoactive enlightenment, Troxler never appears afraid to try something interesting. He at least partially attributes his kindness to that psychedelic experimentation in the Thump feature, saying, "I've had crazy purgatory trips where I've found that, to me, being a good person is the paramount thing." Undoubtedly, our country needs a few new things. Not xenophobic and racist things, not accepting shady donation things. More like, wearing-questionable-leggings things.
I think perhaps he could drop some acid with Putin or Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi and solve some world problems.
3. Authenticity is a way of life.
After an incredible rise including a dip into high-level commercial success – complete with a nod as a top DJ in Rolling Stone in 2012 – Troxler decided to refocus his energies. He noted in his 2014 International Music Summit keynote interview that after a few high-profile gigs left him unhappy, it was time to be the change.
Perhaps Troxler doesn’t seem to censor himself, but it seems to me that when he says something, it is for a reason: to reduce commercialization of an industry he loves, to reduce what he sees as inauthenticity, and to call out bad behavior.
4. He works his ass off.
One can hardly deny that Troxler is an achiever and a man who follows through with something when he puts his mind to it. Uprooting himself barely out of his teens to move abroad. Cutting down his DJ gigs when it threatened his sense of self and personal relationships. Creating three labels with their own specific visions. Opening restaurants. Picking and choosing mint projects and gigs.
HE CLIMBED MOUNT KILIMANJARO and brought in $100,000 for brain cancer research. Seriously, why is he not a write-in candidate?
5. He's ready for politics.
Since we've already established the American people will accept a candidate with no political experience, Troxler is ready to go. In the IMS keynote interview, Troxler calls America the "best-worst" country in the world. He acknowledges we succeed in commercialized aspects of success, while failing to be concerned about quality. He calls out a tendency of Americans to be proud of their ignorance, and using entertainment to avoid very real issues in our culture.
He's had no problem offering thoughtful opinions on current political events, as showcased in articles in the Independent and his own Instagram posts. While Troxler can definitely give and take a joke, when asked any question in interviews he offers answers that convey intelligence and integrity.
6. He can handle invasions. From bats, for example.
In this DJ Mag TV interview from 2010, Troxler solidifies that he can maintain under the influence of some substance, give an interview, and also handle a bat invasion (real or imagined). Incognito-cognito, most definitely.
In conclusion, he's six for six over current options. President Troxler, has a nice ring about now, doesn't it?