Don’t Fall In Love At An EDM Festival
Don’t Fall In Love At An EDM Festival
Don’t let your gay best friend take you on an 8 hour drive to hit an EDM festival for your very first time on a Friday in mid-July when your a have a few weeks of total freedom before first semester rolls around.
“We are going to have the best weekend evarrr,” he says. Don’t let him introduce you to a cute stranger.
Don’t let the cute stranger buy you a shot of Jägermeister.
When he buys it anyway, don’t take a whiff of it so you know what you’re getting yourself into. Take the shot of Jägermeister (come on, it’s a festival and you only live once!), cough, and reach for that energy drink you’ve been nursing on since you arrived 3 hours ago.
Do dance your ass off up close to the stage and get pumped when you see chicks behind the decks. Do let yourself loose and and join in the rhythmic chants from the crowd, “Nervo!”
When it starts to rain, keep dancing but by no means don’t accept when he takes the shirt off his back to keep you warm because what you are wearing at the moment is a pair of jean shorts and a basic print tank top. In fact, after seeing what many other girls were wearing you would consider it pretty damn modest.
Don’t respond when he leans into kiss you just as Kaskade’s blissful track “Raining” explodes through the speakers you two are standing only 4 feet away from. Yes, it’s delighting all of the senses, but every time you hear it you will remember that ill-advised moment.
When he sees your feet bleeding from dancing so hard, don’t let him take you to the first-aid tent to fix those battle wounds so you can go for out for more.
Don’t give in when he whisks you away to an after party with his friends and introduces you to downtempo. Don’t let him take your number.
When he texts you asking to kick it with him on New Year’s Eve, don’t go. Do New Year’s with your friends. Have fun getting’ glammed out for no one but yourself.
Don’t drink too much and wake up half-naked on the couch of his best friend. When he asks you out on a date, still half-drunk, the morning after, don’t say yes — or, god, at least wait till he’s sober.
Don’t let him take you to Miami to Ultra for spring break and not only wear a plethora of the most ultimate bikinis at the beach but to the parties as well, because when you inevitably break up, you’ll never be able to go back to that beautiful place without thinking of him.
When he tells you he loves you in the place where techno was born on Memorial weekend for Detroit Electronic Music Festival, don’t believe him. Don’t say it back. You shouldn’t say things you will regret for years, like “Yes, I’ll save all of my financial aid from the year and takes us on a trip to Tomorrowland.”
When he leaves to go teach English in a Asian country, probably China, don’t beg him to stay with you. You can’t make it work. Don’t plan to Skype once a week and don’t Google “long distance relationship tips.” He will want to hook up with Chinese girls and suggest a clean break before he even leaves.
Don’t agree to Skype him the first time he says he wants to see what you’ve been up to. Don’t get back together.
When he gets back the next year, don’t say something stupid like, “I don’t ever want to be with anyone but you.” Really?!
When you become attached at the hip, don’t plan your future around him. Don’t quit school so you can move in with him as soon as possible. Plan to finish your marketing and communications degree on time with all of your friends and have a good freakin’ time during your last taste of freedom as a fake adult.
Because when he freaks out about sharing space with a woman who treats her dogs too much like kids and breaks up with you five days before you were supposed to graduate, you won’t know what to do at an EDM festival without a boyfriend anymore.
Don’t spend that first one at Chicago’s North Coast Music Festival, drinking too many beers with the DJ whose set was at 4 pm on Friday. Don’t nonchalantly tell him you’re single by asking if it’s acceptable to use your ex-boyfriend’s equipment he’s left at the pad to teach yourself how to DJ.
Oh yeah, they are yours! You bought it for him when he was in between jobs for 6 damn months.
Try your hardest not to freak out about your whole life and family and career because your plans fell through. Don’t start asking yourself who you are and where you belong and what you are even doing.
When you do freak out, don’t pursue the DJ. Don’t let him come over to teach you how to beat match two of your favorite tracks of all time then wake up half-naked and half-drunk in your bed on Sunday morning.
When he asks you to head to LA with him for a gig, for the love of everything, don’t say yes.
Don’t pretend that you’re ready to move on and don’t pretend you don’t think about him anymore whenever you put headphones on and cue up the next track. Don’t wonder who you are without him — just be who you are without him.
Or just skip all the muddled stuff in the middle and don’t fall in love at an EDM festival.
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